Growing Pains

As we already know, the world is continually shifting, rotating on it's axis as well as around the sun. These days, even when I'm planted on the ground, I am fully aware of the shifts being made under my feet. I am in a state of transitions and feeling stretched paper thin physically and emotionally, but like a rubber band I am bracing myself for the days when to tight pull will be let loose and fly, soaring across the room, then settle back on the ground in it's most comfortable form. 

This week I lead a life far from what I "expect" of myself, and yet it was through the revelation of my so-called "expectations of self", that shook the ground beneath me. I am a perfectionist and always have been, but there always comes a breaking point and a breakthrough point when I realize I've drawn my line too thin, too fast. But, luckily enough, every time I fall, I learn something incredible in the process. 

This week I realized I was witnessing growth in my heart and mind, but growth often comes with some pain. I felt like absolute shit about my self-image and had a voice in my head continually repeating "Why was I given this life? Why am I so far behind? Why can't I love the face I see in the mirror? WHY?" I sunk so low thinking these things along with other people in my life both building me up and tearing me down, that it felt like a bloody tornado in my head. My heart has been on fire all summer until the truth came out: I don't know how to love myself.

Now, I need you to understand that this has never really happened to me before. Of course I've had insecurities come from time to time and wipe my confidence dry, but this, this was something ground-shaking and heartbreaking for me to face and I knew I had to do it alone. I went on a few runs this week and every time I would I'd feel the tug of the Lord and the reminder that I am not alone here, even if I run right back into my problems, God is sovereign and gracious with me.

Something I've noticed recently though is the presence of snakes has been surprisingly plentiful and that twice on my runs I've found dead bodies or skins laying on my path home. I sense that this spiritual attack I am going through has something to do with temptation and moral sin, but as I am bombarded with negative feelings about myself I forget that God made me who I am for reasons far greater than I can understand. 

So, this is my chance to work hard internally and rewire how I view myself. I started by trusting that God desires me to be who I already am in this period of time and nothing more, nothing less; just enough as I am today, unchanged. And, since my complete emotional meltdown on Wednesday, I have discovered the need for WAY less social media, in particular Instagram, where the moment I set foot on it's threshold I start to compare my life to the great influencers or friends who do "many more adventurous things than I", I tell myself. 

Furthermore, I am showing up to my life today. I am believing in the dignity that has been planted in my heart and I am seeing to it that I smile at my reflection rather than try to point out and sulk in my flaws. I am talking myself u in my head and I am taking control of the feelings in my body, willing to face the moments of uncomfortable growth as they arise. You'll see a lot less of me around here I'm sure, but just know that I am probably off with a new friend for coffee or too deep into studies to worry about posting on the socials. I'm taking back the life I have always desired: being happy and caring for those I encounter, rather than sulking and hiding on my own. I am looking forward to figuring myself out again and in doing so, leading a life of less expectations and more reality. 

I hold myself accountable for my actions, but I will stop putting so much pressure on myself to be perfect, because in perfection is where most of my disaster lies, thinking I can get things right the first time. And I am not sorry for being vulnerable here, for shedding light on a real situation, and for owning the sin in my life and working away from it. Praise be for second chances and growing through the pain!

Blessed Ireland

The roads of inclination keep getting steeper in anticipation,
but I look forward to meeting them.
The winds are pushing me closer to you,
day by day.
The sun is shining warm inside my soul,
brightening my face with a smile thinking of you.
The rains of weary waiting fall upon my skin,
but I don't mind at all.
And until we meet,
May God hold you in the palm of His hand, Ireland.

Rising Up on the Surf

As most of you know, this past week I had the incredible opportunity to attend CCO's annual Rise Up event in Vancouver (west-coast is the best coast guys!). These last few days I was hit by the waves of Christ, tumbling in the turbulence of grace and mercy, but cleansed deep within my soul by the time I was swept to the shores. I wish I could have gotten up and ridden the waves, but I was much more comfortable swimming through the challenges and experiencing the "spiritual pickling".

Not everyone has the courage to step out on to the beach and jump into the waves:

Some people fear the size of the waves, that it'll come over their heads.

OR

That the waves will have more power than their own strength. 

But I believe that those two assumptions are more important than anything if you want to see a huge change in your life. You have to encounter a large, powerful wave in order to fully understand the abilities of the water. Every time you let the wave overcome you, you are taken safely back to shore, ready for the next time you choose to leap even further into the depths of the blue...

_____________________________________________________________

Well, would you like to hear what really happened this week?

I'm glad you kept reading, because that means you said "yes". Saying YES was the primary event of this conference...

Did you already sign in?  Yes.
Would you like some coffee?  Umm, is that even a question? Yes.
Have you been having a good time? Yes.
Are you ready to take a leap of faith? Well, as long as I don't fall, then yes.
Did you encounter Christ?  Absolutely.

Along with saying YES to everything I also:

-Heard some incredible speakers, some with great socks, others with very "creative" children
-Met SO many new and old friends, talking my mouth off twelve hours every day
-Received Penance from a priest named Fr. Jim who encouraged me to "stop letting the rotten fruit rot you"
-Had many meals with many people (two things I LOVE!)
-Sat down and just absorbed a woman named Trish's testimony of faith and missionary work
-Ran down the harbour of Vancouver
-Examined the plating of our dessert with my fellow Achitect and Landscaping preists, Fr. Eric and Fr. Toby
AND finally, -Reconnected my wifi (WIreless FaIth) with God



SO, if you have any questions or would like to go for coffee to discuss all the little details about my experience with Christ, please get in contact with me, because I'd love to share my story and hear many of yours!

Sending you all some love this New Year!!   -Ash

DAY 1: Roommates and I waiting for the room...

DAY 2: Dinner at Nero Belgian Waffle shop

DAY 2: Walk down the Stanley Park harbor-front

DAY 4: Leaving for mass at Holy Rosary Cathedral 

DAY 5: The last view from our room on the 8th floor (first day of the New Year!)

Running into Screen Doors

As we all know, birds have a tendency to fly into windows, while dogs seem to run into screen doors. As humans, we too find ourselves running into screens, but not always the ones associated with patio doors. We tend to be stopped abruptly by choices, BIG choices. And here I will talk about one of the biggest choices: marriage.  

SO, did you know there is a beautiful screen that may hit you in the face? Yup, it's called a veil. Not only is this sheath of material a symbolic image of marriage, but it also symbolizes purity. As a woman becomes a wife, she will lift up her veil and give her whole soul to the man she weds, and in doing so, leaves behind her innocence to receive gracious love, bold and true.

A veil is also worn to "hide" the beauty of the bride until her fiance bestows his vows, allowing him to lift up the head piece and discover his wife in a new light for the first time. 

                                                     

A veil is more than just a pretty piece of tule on the wedding day, it is an amazing message of chastity and a screen that literally will hit you in the face (ladies)... so be cautious where you're walking, whether it's out onto the deck or down the aisle... 

 "She is clothed in strength and dignity" 

Proverbs 31:25

(SIDE NOTE: In the last two months 3 of my friends have been engaged and I am so, so utterly thrilled! Congratulations Drew, Chantal and Richelle!) 

Cutting Edge

Well, what an interesting last two months it has been here in culinary school. All I can say so far is, "I am not just your typical housewife cook anymore" and "I need to get a gym membership". 

Sure, you can say I am having an exceptional time here at the OC, but things aren't always so pretty. The industry is tougher than steel, but many restaurants continue to use aluminum as their go-to metal. So far, I've had people say my tartar sauce tastes like ranch, that my speed-walking through the kitchen freaks them out, and I've also had the remark from my own teacher/chef that I tend to cook like a "mommy". None of this has bothered me to the point of leaving, but as a professional cook, they tell you repeatedly that "attitude is key to being a great chef". I take this statement seriously and whenever my chef says "add more love to your dish" I sneak in a few pinches of sass as well. I am not sure how my peers feel about that ingredient of choice, but the tall bearded guy wrapped up my knife in saran wrap after I teased him. 

Here are the top 3 most prominent points to notify you readers about my experience in culinary:

1) Practice melon-balling on a melon first.

My first (and only) "war wound" was with a melon baller, which I used to core half an apple. Now this instrument is typically used to make pretty little circular-shaped melon for pretty little fruit salad bowls but, they never told you the edges where SHARP! It was pathetic really, and my chef even had to call first aid to have a band-aid put on me. The guy who wrapped my thumb gave me his business card for future reference... Uh, thanks?

2) ALWAYS wear fresh socks.

So, as you should know, cooks are on their feet all day long, which means they are in their shoes all day long, so fresh socks everyday should do the trick, right? Well... it doesn't, but it's nice to smell less stinky by using fresh socks everyday, than double stinky using the same socks twice. I mean, at least you're just reading this, because actually smelling a full locker room at the end of class when everyone takes of their work clogs is just rancid. 

3) Only take nibbles.

We have to taste all food we make, which is a lot... AND sometimes my chef will just hand me a piece of pastry crust or a spoonful of chocolate mousse, which I can't say no to, because I HAVE to taste it. All I can say is I eat a lot of food during class and I need to start working out again...


Well, there you have it folks, the introduction to culinary school, thus far. It's been a chopping-onion fiasco but with good memories to keep... maybe not fingers. 

The Mssng "I" // Part One

It all started during the first few chapters of Eat, Pray, Love... I decided I wanted my own quest for that often-sought-after quest to finding your "inner peace" or rediscovering the true worth of your life. 

We live in a world where most people's next ambition is at the top of a mountain, or also known as the term climax, but once they hit that point, then it goes back down to the low slope at the bottom of the valley. People get hyped about their next "big gig" or the next chapter. I used to see life like this, but the more I opened up and listened to what people were saying, it sure wasn't those big

moments that they claimed to have cherished the most. The best memories, as you all darn well know, come from moments you never even planned. 

So, my friends, I have become a searcher in the common days of life for things that sparkle. 

Now by sparkle I don't mean glitter glue and a bunch of 5-year-olds. By sparkle I mean that split second in a day when you look up at the pink haze in the clouds and feel as though you are speechless of thought. That's the kind of thing I look for in my day-to-day. 

Oddly enough, sparks fly all throughout our days, but sometimes we never give them a chance because we are "too busy" or in a rough mood. Let's change that! 

Find the gratitude in things that you never did before. Pull an Ashley and admire the clouds, but please don't follow suit as much as to walk into a peers backpack. 

Health-Freak Hiking

How to survive in the wilderness on kale chips and chickpeas...


SO, as many of you may know, and many may still be oblivious to my love of food, it should be no surprise that I am blogging about my "healthy hiking alternatives". Since my start of back-packing in 2013, I have adjusted my straps numerous times, and have also found some surprisingly simple changes to my squished and most-often melted menu. 

Let's take a closer look into the "average" back-pack vs. mine, to understand what I mean by this new term "Health-Freak", coined on me when I stated I liked fro-yo more than ice-cream:

The typical hiker's food sack includes:

-Trail mix, always
-Oatmeal
-Some form of gnarly and tough meat, and a lot of it
-Coffee (most of the true adventurers will have some)
-Babybel cheese
-A large amount of some gluten-full base layer (eg. Naan, wraps, pita)
-Smooshe (aka: melted chocolate, pronounced smoosh-EH by us Canadians)

-Candy 
-Clif Bars


Then there is my food sack:

-Trail mix, as usual
-Granola
*wait for it, wait for it!*
-Dried apples, strawberries, pineapple (mango if I'm lucky, or have a heavy cash flow)
-Kale chips & seaweed
-Falafel patties, fried and dried (a mixture of ingerdients with chickpeas)
-As fresh as can be, straight from the sea candied salmon
-Peanut butter (NEVER LEAVE WITHOUT IT)
-Fruit Plus snack bars
-Veggie chips that end up as veggie crumbs, but still tasty
-Home-made energy bars with loads of protein

I mean, what can I say? I love my greens, and I am perfectly happy to pack 10 extra pounds if it means I get to be labelled a Foodie. 

Below you will find my most prized pieces of fruit and veg, pre-dried today:

I enlarged this baby so you can just about see all that vitamin K going on!